7 Reasons Not to have a Direct Funeral
Funerals have been a valued and intrinsic part of human existence globally. Every society has its rituals and beliefs around death; it is the most significant and essential of all the human-constructed ceremonies.
What is a Direct Funeral
A Direct Funeral is a cremation or burial without a funeral ceremony or mourners.
During the pandemic, Direct Funerals were enforced due to social distancing, denying family and friends the necessary ceremonial farewell to their loved ones.
Since the end of the pandemic restrictions, there has been an increase in adverts for direct cremations focusing on the 'cheaper cost" as opposed to an attended funeral.
The UK is currently experiencing a cost of living crisis, and people are looking to save money, resulting in the emergence of the Direct Funeral becoming an increasingly popular option. People are opting for a direct cremation or burial with the intent that a Memorial Service will follow.
And whilst that is a viable course of action, it is not as healing as a timely End of Life Ceremony.
A Direct Funeral is appealing to the older generation who are money conscious and don't want to burden their offspring with what they perceive as "trouble and expense", a generation brought up on practicality over emotion.
But what is the real cost of a Direct Funeral?
In a cost-cutting exercise, the dismissal of a funeral is not necessarily the most viable option when considering mental health.
Not being able to attend the funeral of a loved one has sparked a concern that there will be an increase in 'long grief', especially as there was often a lack of contact preceding.
In addition, the lack of contact potentially meant that there could not be any final meaningful communication or interaction.
Funerals are not for the deceased; the ritual is for those left behind.
The most significant aspect concerning a direct cremation or burial is that without the funeral ceremony, there is a vital chink in the grieving process.
A prolonged period between the death and the Memorial Service can often hinder emotional healing, leaving loved ones in suspended grief.
An End of Life Ceremony at the time of cremation or burial acknowledges the reality and finality of death, which enables those mourning to move forward with their grief.
When we lose someone, we recognise the concept of death on an intellectual level and in the early days, that distracts from the emotional reality of loss. In the early stages, a pragmatic approach is taken; there is paperwork and legal processes to be completed, but gradually we begin to acknowledge the actuality of death in our hearts.
An End of Life Ceremony engages both the intellect and the heart; it helps move towards the pain of loss, which is an essential step in the healing process and initiates "healthy" grief and permission to express painful thoughts and feelings.
Funerals provide a safe environment and proper venue for people to openly display their sadness in a society notable for its emotional restraint.
The Ceremony also helps to transition a relationship from a physical presence to one of remembering, focusing on recounting their life, personality, and attributes; it creates a comforting and constructive anchor to the passage from life to death.
A direct cremation could be seen as a more accessible option if there was a complex and troubled relationship between the deceased and the family. Strained relationships also need closure and to allow the healing process to begin. A funeral should be emotionally truthful. It is not necessarily about forgiving and forgetting but about acknowledgement and emotional release.
"They say funerals are not for the dead but for the living. Those rites are what permit you to move on, so if you don't deal with the remains, you can never deal with the memories. That might be true; we may have walked in their dust down on Venice Minor, but it's not the same as a proper goodbye." Ann Aguirre, Aftermath.
Whilst the cost is a necessary factor for consideration, there are many ways to reduce the expense without forgoing an End of Life Ceremony. Direct Funerals offer a short-term gain with potentially long-term consequences.
What are your thoughts on direct cremations or funerals?
How would you feel if someone you cared about requested a direct funeral?
Has there been a time when you were not allowed to attend the funeral of someone you cared about?
How did that make you feel?