What to Wear to a Funeral
Following on from the Roman Empire and medieval times, the tradition of wearing black became deeply entrenched in our society. Perhaps the most famous mourner was Queen Victoria, who wore black for 40 years after her beloved Albert died.
Generally, when a woman became a widow, she was expected to dress in mourning for up to four years before entering half-mourning, where greys and purples were acceptable. Interestingly there seemed to be no strict dress code for a widower.
As with many things before the industrial revolution, formal mourning was mainly reserved for the upper classes. But with a societal shift, wearing black to a funeral as a mark of respect spread. To attend a funeral wearing other colours was unacceptable and a sign of disrespect.
Fast forward to today, and you don't have to go very far back in time to see the shift from traditional wearing black to more colourful clothing. But, as we move away from the conventional approach to funerals and towards a ceremony that is a celebration of life, is wearing black still appropriate? Should it be considered disrespectful if you wear colourful clothing?
The symbolism of wearing black remains but wearing black for a display of prolonged mourning is not expected or required. And indeed, women no longer have to wear black to advertise their marital status.
Thankfully as we transition from rigid traditions towards individuality, the rights and wrongs of colour choice are becoming redundant. Undoubtedly the dress code should be based on the individual and the circumstance rather than on rigid dogma. What is appropriate for one person may not be for another. Emotional truth is essential at a Ceremony, and the choice of colour or clothing is a part of that truth. Should a dress code be the same for an older person or a small child?
As with any Ceremony, it is the responsibility of those organising to inform those attending what their dress code requirements are, and it is the responsibility of those attending to adhere to their requests as respectfully as possible. Perhaps if you are unsure, ask to avoid a social faux pas.
End of Life ceremonies are celebrations of the life that went before, so why not incorporate their hobbies, passion and joy in their final farewell?
Even wearing traditional black can be personalised by an accessory that is meaningful to the deceased; for example, a coloured scarf or flower in their favourite colour, a sparkly brooch, or a tie in the colour of their football team.
I recently led a Ceremony for a young child obsessed with 'Frozen". The family and the children who attended all wore Frozen outfits. It was a touching celebration of his life; children are colours and light.
My son has told me, "When I die, I want to be carried in by stormtroopers and have Darth Vadar lead my Ceremony.
What colour would you want people to wear to your funeral?
Do you have any specific requests that you would like people to wear?
What is your fantasy funeral? Because these days, it doesn't have to be just a fantasy.