Emotional Truth at an End of Life Ceremony
No one wants to lose someone they love, but unfortunately, it is a reality of life. However, we choose to say farewell; at the very least, the Ceremony deserves to be emotionally truthful. Every Ceremony is as unique as our loved one, and whilst sadly, there are occasions where emotions and pain are too raw to see or feel beyond the grief; for others, it may be appropriate to celebrate their life.
A well-thought-out and fitting funeral can mark the occasion respectfully and honestly. If their life brought happiness and laughter, should that be reflected in their Ceremony?
Please understand me; there is nothing comparable to losing someone you love. The pain and sadness will be an adjustment you will have to accommodate in your life, but the love and happy times that you shared are the things that will bring you comfort in your darkest moments. So if you smile or laugh at an anecdotal story during a Ceremony, that is ok; that is being true to both them and you. Humour at the end of Life Ceremony is not plaster over the sadness; it is something that naturally emerges through shared stories and memories. Smiling or laughing does not mean you are not sad; it does not trivialise or detract from the occasion; it simply adds another emotional layer.
When my brother died, there were no words at the Ceremony; well, there may have been, but they would have been in French, and my schoolgirl vocabulary did not extend to funerals. During the Ceremony, music was played, Bach’s Air on the G String, or the Hamlet Cigar advert to those of us of a certain age. Knowing my brother and his sense of humour made me giggle, at which point my Father threw me a disapproving look. Thirty years later, that is the one resounding memory I have, and one that still makes me smile when I think of him, knowing that he too would have laughed.
There is no right or wrong way; all funeral ceremonies are different. We are fortunate that we are no longer as restricted as how we say farewells. We can reflect on our loved ones in a meaningful and genuine way. Like a “book blurb”, a Ceremony is a synopsis of the content of a Life, and as we are all multidimensional, an End of Life Ceremony at its best should reflect that. It is an emotional palette that paints an everlasting picture of your loved one through words, music, actions, and emotions.
You will know you have got it right when you hear yourself say, “that is exactly what they would have wanted”.
What would you want?
What would be the emotional truth for your End of Life Ceremony?