7 Tips for Reading at a Funeral
One question I often get asked is, "Would it be all right if I said something" and the answer is always ", Yes, absolutely". As a Celebrant, I am here to help compose and structure the Ceremony, but the words of a family member or a close friend who knew them are always the most important. A celebrant only voices the memories and thoughts on behalf of those mourning.
Would you like to recite a poem or a reading? Or do you want to write the eulogy or pay your tribute? You may like to sing a song or play a tune on an instrument. You may want to write a tribute but have it read on your behalf.
Whatever you want to contribute, the primary consideration is the time available for the Ceremony. A traditional ceremony flows through several parts, and the time allotted to those will have to be included. Of course, you can create a unique Ceremony but adhering to the time allowed is essential.
The location of a Ceremony will generally dictate the length of the Ceremony. There is usually less flexibility at a Crematorium, and most often, there is no leeway with the allocated timing.
If you wish to participate in the End of Life Ceremony, whatever you want to say needs to be sent to the officiating Celebrant. There are good reasons for this:-
The length and time required for your contribution will need to be factored into the Ceremony if there is a time constraint.
The Celebrant will be able to place your words appropriately within the Ceremony.
If the Celebrant knows what you will say, they can ensure they avoid inadvertently overlapping or repeating what you have prepared.
If anything unexpected should occur on the day of the Ceremony and you cannot attend, someone can step in for you.
On the day, should emotions take over, the Celebrant can continue to read your words on your behalf.
If the Celebrant sends a copy of the Ceremony as a keepsake, it is nicer if they can include your words.
Some venues charge a penalty fee for overrunning.
Remember, no one expects an Oscar-nominated performance; even the most experienced "speakers" can find it daunting when emotions are involved.
Top Tips
Less is more. Generally, 140 words equate to 1 minute of speaking.
Write from the heart.
Once you have written your piece, leave it a while before re-reading.
Read it out aloud. The difference between reading it in your head and reading it out is surprising.
Have a typed copy of your speech. Use a large-size font and double spaces. Put in gaps to remind yourself to breathe.
Time yourself reading your words aloud several times at a steady pace.
Practice, practice and practice again.
On the day
Breathe. If you feel your emotions taking over, pause and take a few deep breaths.
You can slow prickling tears by looking up.
Take your time; you don't need to rush through your speech.
If you need a moment to compose yourself, take it.
If you want others to come up with you, to be next to you for moral support, that is ok.
No one will judge you; they will be grateful you had the courage to pay tribute.
Don't put yourself under greater stress. On the day, if you don't feel able to read, that is ok; your Celebrant will step in. Everyone will understand.